Friday, October 23, 2009

Worst...Blogger...Ever.

Hey! Remember that time I started a blog to record my Chicago adventures and then stopped updating right before the final showcase, which was months ago? Me either. Since I'm world's worst blogger, I will give you a brief update of my life from my last post until now.

-The showcase at Second City went more amazing than I could ever have hoped, and solidified my desire to be in comedy and my lust for power and fame.

-I lived in Warsaw over the summer in an apartment with my dear friend, Jenn Judy. We lived in a shady area, directly across from a shut-down brothel, but it was home.

-Over the summer, I worked at Red Apple Restaurant and House of Pancakes and had more adventures than would fit in one blog. Feel free to ask me in person. Thank sweet baby Jesus that I am out of that *ahem* "heck" hole.

- I am about 6 weeks into school in the first semester of my last year at Grace College.

That's a brief rundown. I'm sorry I have not updated you on all the craziness of the end of the semester and the summer, but I'm going to try to start up my blog again. I know. Why should you trust me this time? Last time I wrote my blog, I got you all hooked, waiting with baited breath for each new entry and left you hanging, right when you needed me most. For that, I am eternally sorry, but I'm back and wacky as ever. So, read my posts. Have a laugh. But most importantly...Keep on truckin'!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Chin Up, Boobs out, It's SHOWTIME!!

Hey all! I haven't written in a bit, because I've been so wrapped up with showcase rehearsals. Not that you care about my sorry excuses, but there it is anyways. All I've done these past two weeks is eat, sleep, and breathe the showcase. (Not as nutritious as you'd think.) As a result, I'm a nervous wreck.

My dad is in town for the showcase and is staying at my apartment with me. It's crowded, but it gives me the opportunity for hilarity to ensue. Best story segway ever, huh? Being the sweet and wonderful daughter that I am, I let my dad have my bed and I took the sleeping bag. He refused at first, but I insisted til he gave in. When I woke up this morning, I saw him lying on the floor on the wadded up, deflated bed. I felt terrible, assuming that it had popped sometime during the night. When I asked him what happened, this is the story he told me. First, remember that my bed is messed up and misshapen from use. Well, at some point in the night, he woke up to the bed moving and making some weird noise. He said he could feel it start to change shape, and when he tried to get off, without warning, the bed's core popped turning it into a giant excercise ball. When this happened, it shot him headfirst between the wall and radiator, his legs flailing helplessly in the air as he balanced on his head and hands. Thank God the radiator was not hot at the time. As he tells it, he was screaming for my help, but all I did was sit up, say ok, and go back to sleep. I have no recollection of this. When he was finally able to roll himself out, he went to the kitchen, retrieved the butcher knife and sliced it open. He then held it open, so it could release it's last pocket of air and then went back to sleep on the floor. When he told me this story, I laughed so hard, I really thought I was going to hurt myself. I am laughing as I am typing this, and he is glaring at me for laughing at his pain. We went to Jewel and bought water floaties to sleep on for the next few days. Good times.

I know I shouldn't be worried about the show. We have great sketches and songs, and we all know our stuff very well. Even the first tech went fabulously yesterday, except for one small glitch. During one of our songs, we sing through the chorus twice and then run out into the audience to get them to sing along. Well, I got excited, sang through the chorus and ran out into the audience. When I turned around I saw the cast all onstage doing the choreography together and looking at me strangely. I had jumped offstage a chorus early. I looked pretty awesome, and by "awesome" I mean "a moron." That will not happen tonight. Dear God, I hope not.

I have to leave for the showcase in an hour now. I'm surprised I can type this well, seeing as I am shaking almost convulsively out of a mixture of nerves, energy, excitement, and the Athenian salad I had for lunch. I can't believe that it has all come down to this. This is the culmination of all I have learned and worked for. Well, I guess it's like Debbie Reynolds says, "Chin up, boobs out, it's SHOWTIME!"

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

So Close, I Can Taste It...Mmmm...Showcase Tastes Like Soup

Hey all! I'm updating, partially because it's been awhile and partially because there's important work to be done. I've been spoiled in this program, so now having to write a 2-4 page paper seems like having to participate in an athletic event. That metaphor may not sound brilliant, but trust me, it works. They're both something that I'm perfectly capable of doing, but if given the choice would rather watch reruns of "The Office."

Performing the Neil Simon scenes went well. There are even a couple of pictures online, but I look a little bit ridiculous. I wanted to dress up, so I wore a red dress with black tights and my heeled black boots. It was a pretty cute little ensemble. The problem was that Gellman said that moving across the stage in my heels made me too high status, so he requested that for the next run, I remove the boots. The problem was that, to keep myself cozy and warm, under my boots, I wore pink, fluffy slipper socks, thinking that no one would ever see them. Gellman made a good point that the character was little off and was getting ready for bed anyway, but my fashion conscious facebook friends did not see his reasoning. I received a good ridicule for that one.

The main focus now is working on our final showcase. At the beginning of the year, if you'd have walked into our improv class, you might have thought you'd wandered into a party with a group of great friends. This week, you might think you're walking into a funeral where everyone in the room was the child, best friend, or widow of the deceased. Kinda morbid, but I'm kind of on a roll with the super awesome metaphors tonight. I'm not going to go into detail here. All I will say is that I trust Norm and I trust...I am trying to trust...I will forceably beat my ensemble into focusing on the work. When all is said and done, we will have an amazing show and I will have a dvd of it to subject you all to. Speaking of, tickets for my showcase are now available if you call the training center. The shows are May 12th and 13th at 7 o'clock. Come enjoy myself and my super sexy friends being really, really hilarious.

Alright, I have a movie treatment to write, sketches to look over, and a sink full of dishes, all of which are vying for my attention, so here is where I will bid you adieu for the evening. Have a lovely day!

Post Script. If anyone knows of any jobs available in Warsaw this summer, please let me know. I need rent money, and it's hard out here for a pimp.

Keep on truckin'!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Thank You For Being A Beautiful Blonde

Hey all! A lot has happened since my last entry, so prepare yourself for a long post. Whatever that means for you. Some popcorn might be in order. In any case, I'm just going to jump right into the update.

My aunt, Sally, came to visit me two weekends ago and we had a perfectly lovely time. On the way to pick her up, though, I was joined on the "el" by an old man with big crazy hair, a neon orange zip-up and a baseball cap. At first, he just came over to say, "Thank you for being a beautiful blonde." I was flattered until he moved over and sat beside me and told me he was a poet and philosopher and that he could talk to dogs. Longest train ride ever. Once Sally got there, however, we had a lot of fun, going to shows such as "Baby Wants Candy" and "The Best of Second City." At "The Best of Second City," we met this group of fabulous old ladies visiting from Minnesota. We sat with them during the show and just had a wonderful time.

The weather was perfect when Sally was here, so we did a lot of walking and even ate at a cute little outdoor cafe called, "Old Jerusalem." I had my first falafel, which was delicious, but not near as waffle-like as I had expected. We also went to Coldstone twice, because the first time we went, there a cute and funny guy behind the counter. We joked about the ice cream cups being made by child labor in third world sweat shops. It was then that I realized that fate and sweet, sugary goodness had brought us together. I haven't gone back since to visit my Coldstone boyfriend, but I like knowing only as much as I do. He could turn out to be an anti-semitic satanist cult-leader or something, and that's not something I'm prepared to live with. I shall just hold on to that glorious moment in the ice cream shop.

Last week, I fulfilled one of my big dreams of performing stand-up comedy. In fact, I did it three times. I hit two open mics and performed for all of Comedy Studies. I must say, once you've done stand-up at a small seedy bar, nothing in the world can scare you. (The sole exeption is spiders. They are still wildly terrifiying.) All three times went well. I didn't kill, but I certainly didn't bomb, and that's all any beginning stand-up can ask for. My only fiasco was right after my first open mic. I was so excited that I had made it through without passing out, vomiting, or spontaneously combusting that I tried to skip off stage. In my excitement, however, my boot got wrapped in the cord and I pulled the mic out of the stand and proceeded to drag it back to my seat. Luckily, the drunk spectators found it hilarious. In fact, I quite enjoyed the overall stand-up experience and have every intention of honing my craft and seeing where it goes.

This past weekend, I went back to Warsaw to see Grace's production of "Little Shop of Horrors." It was so freakin' phenominal. I was so proud of all of David's work. David designed the set, costumes, poster, and played the starring role. He is so amazing, and I can't wait to see where he goes in his career. I was so proud watching it, I got a little choked up at points. David is one of my best friends in the world, and I honestly feel so lucky to be a part of his life. Everyone else was great as well. I got to connect with some old friends and even make some new ones. Ashlee was hilarious as the bag lady on Skid Row and Peaches was just all around fierce. I was so glad to be able to attend the show, but not being a part of it was killing me. I snuck backstage before the show and at intermission, though the sign said, "cast and crew only." Not being a part of that group for once was really weighing heavily on me. Don't get me wrong, I love it here in Chicago. I'm having the time of my life, getting hit on by old crazy men and falling in love with professional ice cream scoopers, but that group is a very special group of people and they will always have a place in my heart.

My ensemble is finally starting to write our showcase, and I can see that it's going to be amazing. This is going to be a show that I can be very proud of. Allow me a cheap, brief plug. There are shows on May 12th and 13th at The Second City Etc stage. Tickets aren't available yet, but I'll let you know as soon as I know anything. Alright, this was ungodly long and I have to go watch some Will & Grace for some homework. Seriously. Life is grand here. Keep on truckin'!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Intestines, Duck Feet, and Easter, Oh My!

So, if it prints the time on this, you'll see I'm updating at four in the morning. Why, you ask? Because, I feel like it! Geeze. Get off my back already. Actually, I'm writing at this odd hour because I did what I've done the past couple of nights. While actually intending to get things accomplished, I get tired and decide to "nap" for a few moments. I end up waking up at three-thirty in the morning, unshowered, with all the lights and my computer on. At that point, I shower and sleep for a few more hours before getting up for school. Is it a great system? Far from it, but it's hard to make yourself act like a normal, responsible person when you live alone.

My friends from high school, Chelsea and Meredith visited me last week and we had a lovely time. I do so enjoy showing off Chicago and my newfound knowledge of it. My favorite story from their visit was our "adventurous" attempt at lunch on Saturday. Meredith suggested finding some good Chinese food, so the intention was to go to a place that I really like in Chinatown. Not surprisingly, we woke up pretty late and didn't want to go quite that far out, but Casey told me that there was some good oriental food off Argyle, which is only one stop away on the "el." We ended up walking into three different restaurants, none of which had decipherable menus. We were still game to try something until we went into the last restaurant and saw what looked like intestines and whole duck feet being prepared in the window. Terrifying. I suggested Panera and we had soup and sandwiches.

School has still been so much fun, I don't know what to do with myself. In writing and history, we're discussing sitcoms, which is fabulous, since sitcom writing is something I have considered for the future. Last week I pitched my "I Love Lucy" episode entitled "Lucy Learns French." Ricky and Lucy made a wager, Lucy attempted to speak French, and wackiness ensued. The next pitch is a partner pitch for an original sitcom. I came up with the idea of a group of 3-5 men that have lost their jobs in the recession, but out of pride still put on their suits and pretend to go to work every day. They form a little club and spend their days hiding their secret from the world and scheming how to get enough money so they can all fake paychecks. There's much more to it, but I don't want anyone stealing this brilliant idea. If you don't think it's brilliant, that's why I'm in comedy school and you're reading this from somewhere less cool than Chicago. If you do, thank you. I always liked you the best anyway.

Easter weekend was fun, as I went to Wisconsin with my dad, Tim, and Amanda. It was really great to see my family. We're all pretty close, despite the fact that they're all a bunch of crazies. I jest, of course. (But no, seriously, they're a bunch of lunatics!) They're totally great and super normal. (Normal like a freakshow.) In all seriousness, I love them all soooo much and I'm really glad I got a chance to spend some time with them. I wish I could just move all the people that I love to Chicago and we'd all just go to improv shows together and eat at Panera. Although, I suppose that's what heaven is for.

It's almost four thirty, so I'm gonna call it a night, but there's been a few more things going on in this crazy life of mine, so I'll write a bit more very soon. It's ok if you don't believe me. I'm not sure if I believe myself. You're all fabulous! Have a lovely day. Keep on truckin'!

Friday, April 3, 2009

With A Little Help From My Friends...Ben and Jerry

Hey all! So, I've just been reading my past blog entries and feeling all sentimental about how far I've come in this experience. I'd honestly forgotten how scary the beginning of this adventure had been for me, but it makes me so proud that it all feels so easy now. I guess I'll mention that I wasn't just going through old posts because I'm so narcissistic that I love to read my own writing, however, I am and I do. I'm starting to write a play, based a great deal on my Chicago experience. It won't be my exact story or anything, but I'm hoping to include many of my actual events. This is all contingent on whether or not I can tear myself away from hulu.com long enough to get any writing accomplished.

This week, the musical director that I had my improv workshop with came by to help us work on our songs for our end of semester showcase. I think we have some really great stuff. I'd tell you, but I don't want to ruin it for those of you that will be at the showcase on May 12th and 13th. Hint, hint. You know what? There's no room for subtlety in this blog! Come to my freakin' showcase! It will be a lovely time, dang it! Don't make me twist your arm! No, seriously. I'm not very strong and you would probably just laugh at me. Anyway, tickets are free but must be reserved, and you can come either day. The tickets will become available this month, but I don't know exactly when yet. I'll let y'all know.

In Gellman's class, we're starting our Neil Simon scenes. I thought it would be a lot easier than the Second City scenes, because I've actually done this scene before. In fact, it's the scene I used to win state in high school. How in the world I thought a scene for Gellman wouldn't break my spirit is beyond me. We started blocking yesterday, and he must have stopped me ten times in four pages of dialogue. I have a lot to work on. It's really hard to hear these things, but I really appreciate how hard he pushes me. It's the only way I'm going to get better. I do know that Gellman likes me, and it helps that I know he only pushes me as hard as he does, because I can take it and he knows I can do better. Nonetheless, I had to be comforted after class by my friends, Ben and Jerry. No, I haven't met cute guys here. Fatty's referring to ice cream.

In history, we're discussing sitcoms. This makes me very happy, because sitcom writing is something I'm looking into as a career choice. My homework for Monday is to pitch an original episode of I Love Lucy. I've been training for this assignment since I was in elementary school. I've seen every episode and can quote about half of them. Hello, friends. I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl! Are you tired, worn down, listless? Do you poop out at parties?... Ok, you get the idea. I don't know what my premise is gonna be yet, but I'm so excited I could poorly re-wallpaper the apartment. I realize that's obscure and doesn't make sense, but I wanted to throw in another reference to cement my superior Lucy knowledge. Don't judge.

I'm off to work on my new play, but I'll be writing again soon. I'll keep you updated on when tickets are available, and Neil Simon scenes, and I may even be awesome enough to let you in on what I pitched for my Lucy episode. Have a lovely day all and enjoy this lovely spring weather...kind of. Keep on truckin'!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I'm a Star...bucks commercial extra

So, here she is; the long-awaited update. You may want some food and water nearby for the long journey ahead. I wouldn't want you to become so hungry and dehydrated that you can't enjoy my cleverly recounted anecdotes. We have a lot of ground to cover and not a lot of time, so here we go...

As you have read in past posts, I had been really stressed out about performing the classic Second City scenes. This was reinforced one day in class when Gellman kept stopping me and making me do lines over and over, asking me if I felt the beats being off. I didn't, but it's times like that where you just nod your head, try something else, and hope that that was finally the right thing. By the end of that session, I was ready to swear off the stage and dedicate my life to being a regular, boring person. After class, Casey and I went to Jewel and got ice cream and rented High School Musical 3. Nothing heals the soul like Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream and a corny Disney movie musical, geared towards ten year olds. Despite all my struggles, the performance went splendidly.

A couple of weeks ago, we had our first Friday optional workshop. It was an hour dedicated to learning musical improv. It was glorious!! The teacher was a crazy woman with big red hair who I decided would be my friend right away. We all sang and danced and made fools of ourselves and had a perfectly lovely time. My favorite part was the rap off. I know, right? For a few minutes there, I was so black I made Oprah look like Nicole Kidman. Don't judge that metaphor. Go with it. Anyway, it started as a team effort, the girls verses the guys, but then each team was told to pick their best rapper. Clearly, I was sending off a Fifty Cent vibe, since my whole team quickly turned and pointed to me. I wasn't too worried until I saw that the boys had chosen Pete. I know, right? Ok, that means nothing to you, but Pete is a very experienced improviser; one of the best in the class. I was pretty sure he was going to humiliate me and make me rethink my career as a hip hop/rap artist, but I took off my houndstooth scarf, put up my hood and threw down a few gang symbols. I may have accidentally joined the Bloods, but it was worth it. We went 7-8 rounds before I callously crushed him in front of everyone. It felt so good to beat him. He just could not compete. This will always be remembered, as the day I took down Pete! Check out those mad skills. Word. Fo' sho. I should stop now. It's just awkward and unnatural on me.

In other big news, I got to star in a national commercial for Starbucks. "Star" is the same thing as "cameo," right? Either way, I'm pretty much famous now. I was leaving class one day with a few of the girls from class and a guy stopped us on the elevator and asked if we were Second City. We told him "yes" and he asked if we would be in a Starbucks commercial for him. Since I need attention and fame the way I need air, I jumped at the chance. We all went into Starbucks and he took us over to the nice camera set up. He said I just needed to try the coffee and he would ask me questions on camera. It was then that I realized that I do not have a career in film. Apparently, the presence of a camera turns me into an infomerical host on ecstasy. "Wow! That is some darn good coffee!" That was accompanied by a big goofy grin. Luckily, I had a few good things to say after that, and of course I looked really hot, which I'm sure helped. So, they used some of my footage in two of the final commercials. You can see them for yourself at...http://starbucks.com/coffee/instantCoffee.aspx?catId=17#num=02&id=instant_coffee and
http://starbucks.com/coffee/instantCoffee.aspx?catId=17#num=03&id=instant_coffee.

When David was here, he had to go to a few different places to fulfill his cross-cultural requirements for Grace. One of the places on his list was The African American History Museum in the south part of Chicago. I don't know if you've heard of the south side, but it's not a place that most 4'11" white girls frequent. The whole time we were on the bus I kept thinking the little jingle, "Which one of these is not like the others?" We made it there safely and were only hassled once by a man carrying a black trash bag trying to sell me "Gucci," although that kind was probably spelled, "Goochi." The same night, coming home from a really hideous show we saw a gang fight, right outside the redline stop. A bunch of kids were beating the crap out of this guy in the street, that we later learned had made some comment about one of the guys' girlfriends. Since I didn't know an alternate route home, we just waited at a distance until the police arrived. I'd like to say I was brave and cool, but in all honesty, I grabbed on to David and Matt and decided if the gang ran our direction, I was going to push them in front of me and run towards Indiana. We made it home alive, our bodies and innocence in tact.

Part of the reason I haven't been faithfully blogging is that David stayed for a week and then I was in Nashville to see my dad over my spring break. I had a lovely time in Tennessee, as always. I loved spending time with my dad and my grandma, and their fabulous cooking certainly doesn't hurt. I always eat well when I'm down there. Last night for dinner, I had Spaghettios, stuffing, and Pringles. Living alone has done terrible things to my body.

Because this post is so late, I'm sure there are other things I should relay, but seriously, if you've gotten this far in this post, you must really love me. In return, I'll go ahead and wrap this up so you can get on with your normal lives. I keep thinkng of other things I could add, but I think I'll just put up a few more shorter posts this week. So check back soon. If you don't, I wouldn't blame you, but you'll just have a mess of old posts to read when you do come back, so it's up to you. Have a lovely day all! Keep on truckin'!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Teaser Trailer...Because You Deserve At Least That

Hey all. So, it's almost two in the morning, I still have to shower, and I think I'm getting sick, but you deserve something out of me. I'm not going to take the time to write out a long and witty post at the moment, BUT you will not leave my blog empty-handed, or I suppose empty-minded rather. I shall give you teaser as to what I will write about tomorrow or the day after...for real this time. So, here's what you've been missing...I've had a really rough day at class, performed my Second City scenes, won a rap off, been in a commercial, witnessed a gang fight, been to the south side of chicago ("south side" must be latin for "you're probably going to die here"),had a friend stay for a week, spent a week in Nashville, and bought new shoes. I'm sure I'll think of more...but I'm tired and ill. What more do y'all want from me?! I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances. Ok. Fresh start. You and me. We're going to forget the empty promises and believe me when I tell you that the stories behind all of these events and more is coming to a blog near you...specifically this one. You won't find these stories anywhere else, and I think it we both know it would be foolish to look. Have a lovely day and check back SOON!!! Keep on truckin'!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Shopping for Fish Sticks and Obama Biographies

I hate beginning every post with, "Sorry, it's been so long..." so, I won't. How about, "I apologize for letting so much time pass between posts." Yes. I think that varies it a bit. Now on to more important things.

Here's a quick update on all the things I mentioned in my last post. The silent film scene went very well. Everyone enjoyed our bits and while I don't exactly think I have a career in silent film, I think my group did a great job. Nothing funnier than a mistaken identity, an injured waiter, and a high energy chase scene!

Remember those props I was to bring to Andy's class a couple weeks ago? Well, I ened up using a zebra clock, a tiny iron, and a stuffed pygmy goat. From those props, three characters developed; Flamer Flave, the gay rapper, La Petite french maid, and the farmer who raised only midget animals. Sound strange? That is because I go to comedy school. It's clown college without the face paint.

Since my last post, I made my first trip back to Warsaw. I had an absolutely wonderful time with all my friends, and I was so glad I got to go to David's art show. That kid is amazing and I can't wait to be his date to the Tony's when he's up for Scenic Design. Ummm. Don't tell him I said that. He doesn't know he's taking me yet.

Last week, we continued to work on our Second City sketches for Gellman's class. On Tuesday, after class, I was almost ready to give up on acting entirely. I was so nervous, I was dropping lines and completely missing reactions that could have been great comedic moments. Because that was such a horrible embarrassing failure, I worked really hard on my scripts and by Thursday, Gellman even handed me a compliment or two. Granted, he didn't exactly call me brilliant yet, but doggoneit, that man will love me by the end of this semester. He'd better not make me start singing Dreamgirls style, but I will go Effie on him if necessary.

I think I may have met my future husband at Jewel the other day. On Wednesday, I was watching TV online and a commercial for fish sticks came on. Well, it did it's job, because I started craving fish sticks something awful, so I went to Jewel after school on Thursday. As I stood in front of the fish stick wall, talking to Tim on the phone, this incredibly handsome guy walked past. He stopped about one fridge over, looking at burgers. I was telling Tim that I had gotten a text in Gellman's class, but did not text back, because I did not dare get out my cell phone in his class. Then, something magical happened. The hot guy stopped, looked at me and said, "Excuse me, but are you talking about Michael Gellman?" I almost dropped the phone. "Y...yes." I wrote it that way, because it gets across the point that I stammered like an idiot. "I took classes from him, too," he said. Completely ignoring my poor brother on the phone, I managed to spit out, "I'm in Comedy Studies." He smiled the most beautiful smile and answered, "I did Comedy Studies, too. Tell Gellman Gabe said hi." Resuming my conversation with Tim was almost impossible. I'm glad that attractive guys make me an incoherent mess. I'm sure that will help me meet men in the future. *Sigh*

In other news about my charisma and grace, I had a couple of friends from Grace visit this past weekend. I didn't know quite when their train was getting in, so I went to Borders and found a great spot in a corner windowsill to read. I was there for about an hour and a half, and while my bum hurt, I wasn't too uncomfortable. After reading for so long, I thought I'd just walk around for a bit. There were about 5 people in the aisle facing my windowsill. When I hopped up to walk away, I took a step and learned that my legs had fallen asleep. I collapsed loudly into a bookshelf. A woman asked if I was ok and told her that I was fine, and only my pride was hurt. The worst part was that I could not casually walk away as it took some time to get blood back into my legs, so I was stuck gripping onto a bookshelf for dear life. I had to pretend I was actually shopping the wall of Obama biographies. I must have looked like a drunken liberal. My father would be so proud.

Well, apparently, when I don't write for a while, I end up writing gosh awful long posts. I hope you've been attentive enough to get through it. If you have, wonderful. If you haven't, well, there's no point in scolding you, since clearly you're not reading this. It will not be that long before I post again. For real. Believe me. Check back in again soon for a nice fresh post. I'll try to be a better blogger to you all. Have a lovely day. Keep on truckin'!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Boxers Or Briefs: The Musical

My last post was February 16?! Holy crap! Where does the time go? Oh yeah, it slips away only to be forgotten, taking with it the memories of our youth. By that, I mean to say, sorry it's been awhile. I know reading my posts is one of the few things getting you through, day to day, through the boring monotony that is your life. I jest, of course. My post the the ONLY thing getting you through.

Class update first. Everything is going quite well. I'm really loving writing, and the whole class seemed to really like my last sketch. I knew I could write comedy, but I'm so excited to get introduced to a whole new world, as this is my first experience in sketch writing. Physical/Vocal trainging is fun as always, doing things such as making machines and monsters with my ensemble. It sounds crazy, but trust me; it's worth the $9000+ tuition. Acting is proving to be the most difficult at the moment, as we are memorizing classic Second City scripts. I enjoy memorization about as much as I enjoy being buried alive in a coffin full of spiders. Oh my gosh. Even typing out that sentence brought me close to tears. I beg of you; never bury me alive in a coffin full of spiders, and if you ever get the urge, just take me out for ice cream instead. That'll teach me. Anyway, my scenes are great, but I'm so scared of messing up. All I want to do is impress Gellman, and I'm afraid if I forget a line, he'll....he'll....well, he'll probably do the coffin and spider thing.

As I mentioned in my last post, Norm promised to help me learn to talk slower. He taught me a couple of tricks, but I'm still learning how to use them, so don't expect me to speak like a normal person next time you talk to me. Rome wasn't built in a day, and even if it was, talking slower is even harder than that, so give me a break. Another trick I learned was to practice talking biting down lengthwise on a pencil. It makes it harder to articulate. It really does work, but it forces me to talk in a puppet voice and drool on myself, so I won't be doing it on any dates.

I saw the fully improvised musical again, Baby Wants Candy. Tonight they took my title suggestion and performed "Boxers Or Briefs: The Musical." It was seriously hilarious. It was centered around twins, one that single handedly won the war in Iraq and a fat awkward one. They fought evil magazine editors and Paula Dean as she made chocolate-covered deep-fried ribs. A good time was had by all.

This week I have another big performance piece, my silent film scene. My partners and I are doing a fun, mistaken identity scene, where merriment and slapstick will ensue. Should be a good time. I'll let y'all know how it goes.

I suppose I should go work on my lines, amongst other homework. I have to use household props to develop three characters. I love that I can even call that homework. This truly is a wonderful place. Have a lovely day. Keep on truckin'!

Monday, February 16, 2009

The Only Difference Between Me and A Drunken Midget is Alcohol

Hey all! I suppose it's time for another update, well, not so much as time for an update, but time to do something that is not my homework. The funny thing is, it's incredibly simple work. All I have to do is write a page (double spaced) about how I would do a particular excercise differently. I'm pretty sure it will take about ten minutes, but I'd rather update you fine people. Yeah, I'm talkin' to you. I said you're fine, and I meant it.

Classes are still going along splendidly. In improv we're working on audience involvment scenes, which has been a lot of fun. It's fun to just play an innocent audience member sometimes, without the pressure of having to be funny. I can just be one of the common people. Of course, I can only do that for so long. Then I need the attention back on me.

The next assigment is to bring in a piece of paper, on which we've written our biggest acting struggle. As soon as Norm gave the assignment, I knew what I was going to write. Can you guess? If you've ever spoken to me, you should definitely know it. The class is going to be guessing whose is whose, and I'm guessing it will take about .2 seconds for them to know which one's mine. I talk too fast; way too fast. I really try to slow down, but I just can't seem to slow my pace, but Norm promised he's going to help us with whatever our flaw is. If he can get me talking at a normal pace, the man would deserve an award. If you don't know what I'm talking about as far as the way I talk, think of it this way. I could read this post to you faster than you can say "auctioneer."

Our next big performance piece is "Silent Film." We will be performing them live, but in the style of silent film acting. Should be interesting. Hey! This is one exercise that I can't screw up by speaking too fast!!

On Friday, I went to a show called, "Baby Wants Candy," which is a fully improvised musical based on a title the audience gives the actors at the beginning of the show. The night I went, they took the suggestion of "Harry Potter in the Hood." It was Harry and friends against the villainous Margaret Thatcher and other key historical British leaders. Hysterical. The cast was beyond amazing. Also, on the train on the way to the show, I was entertained by three very loud drunken midgets. Only in the big city, my friends. Only in the big city.

I hope you all had a lovely Valentines Day. I know I did. I was gonna go out with some girls, but Casey had to work and everyone else had different stuff going on or was out of town. So, I did what every proud single girl does on a holiday that tells you that if you're single, you will surely die alone. I made myself and entire pizza and cake and watched "The Notebook." Don't judge. I'm still working on the cake. Oh yes. I should also mention, I spent the whole day in my underwear. It was one of those "celebrate independence, while simultaneously practice living alone" type of days. Good times.

Well, I suppose I should go write that whole page paper. Why is my life so hard? Oh, wait. I remember now. It's not hard at all. I'm living my dream in Chicago and having the absolute time of my life. Have a lovely day. Keep on truckin'!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Mrs. Buttertoast Does Vaudeville

Y'all ready for an update? Well, I sure hope so since you've spent all that time typing in the web address and everything. Thanks for taking time out of your busy life to keep up on my story. I really do appreciate your interest. That said, let's get to the good stuff, the nitty gritty, the nuts and bolts, the green eggs and ham. Hmmm. I think my metaphor got a little off track somewhere in there. Oh well.

So, at the beginning of class this week, I made a puppet for my improv class. I went a little crazy with the craft box and even had a pretty bad crafting wound. I endured an embarrassing defeat in a battle with my hot glue gun. Emphasis on the HOT. Anyway, my eccentric old lady puppet turned out fabulously and everyone loved her. I named her, Mrs. Buttertoast. That name's probably more funny if you heard the inflection with which I say it. Here's a picture to get the full effect. You can't see her hat very well in this shot, but know it was very cool.

So the other news I promised in my last post was to tell how the Vaudeville show went. Well, my girls, Mary and Casey and I worked on a number Monday night after class that we were all feeling ok, but not great about. So, that night, we texted back and forth and decided to come Tuesday with new ideas. Casey found a great 20's song online, so I bought it and brought it in on my ipod. Together, we wrote this great silent slapstick piece. It was really funny. Today, we all coordinated costumes and performed it for both groups of students and several professors. Everyone loved ours and some said it was the best act. We had such a short amount of time to put it together in, but the finished product was great.

I'm deciding more and more that I really enjoy the physical comedy. Amy Poehler once said, "Vanity is the death of comedy." I'm finding that to be very true. Once I was able to stop thinking about whether or not my hair was getting messed up, or if I looked fat, rolling around in the fetal postion, I've found I'm pretty good at physical comedy. I may not be Jim Carey yet, but dang it all, I'm trying.

Also, for you praying folk out there, pray that I find a job. I can't stay here this summer unless I can find a way to make rent. If I can't get a job, I'll have to sell eggs and plasma, and I was hoping to save those for when I need to buy groceries. I applied for another one today, so let's hope I get a call soon. I best be off to write my sketch due tomorrow. I haven't decided yet if it will be about male strippers or a dyslexic kid at a spelling bee. So much to do. Have a lovely day! Keep on truckin'!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Milk Carton Puppet Theatre

Hey all! And now for another edition of Christi's Chicago Adventure. It's been a good week at The Second City. My phone hasn't been heard in Gellman's class again, and my acting scenes have been way better. All is well.

I must say, I have been assigned the coolest homework of all time, since I've been here. For my improv class, I am to make a puppet, that will be interviewed by the prof. Most people are planning on bringing in a sock, but when have you ever known me to make anything easy? I'm making an extravagant old woman. I imagine I will be much like her in a few decades, provided I suddenly take the shape of an old milk bottle and grow googley eyes, but you get the idea. My other big assignment is to put together a Vaudeville act. We are in the Vaudeville section in history, and we learned Wednesday that we are to break up into groups and write and prepare an act to be performed for the class. It happens to be due this Wednesday. Luckily, I'm in a group with two other really amazing girls, so I'm sure we'll work it out. Oh yeah, I'm also supposed to be doing some reading, but if I didn't do it while I was at Grace, I don't see why I should start now.

Rachel Gray is visiting this weekend and I'm really excited to have her here. I'm excited to show off my town. Is it too early to call it "my town?" I should hope not. I almost got a library card the other day. I mean, that makes you pretty official, right? And no, I'm not lying. I was really gonna get a library card. Don't act so confused. They also have DVDs.

I'm off to make dinner and a sweet puppet. Have a lovely weekend everyone! Tune in next week to find out how my puppet looks and how the Vaudeville act went! Keep on truckin'!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Cindy Adams Must Die

Hey all! I'm well into the second week of classes, and I can't even begin to describe what this experience has been like for me. But I'm a writer, so I suppose I'll try. This program does not allow room for self-consciousness or stage fright. Allow me to walk you through one of today's excercieses.

Today, I had my first, "I suck," moment. Up until now, I'm not saying I've been the strongest in the class, but I've felt like I've been keeping up just fine. Today, I felt like mey work fell short. Don't take that short joke. Too easy. So today, we get to Gellman's class and he gruffly tells us to get out a piece of paper. We all thought it was gonna be a quiz on the book that he wrote, which made everyone panic, since only one person in the group had read past the forward. This may shock you, but I was not that one person. Instead, he said, "Think of a character. Not you or anyone you know. What's his/her name?" We were to fill in the answers to his questions in a column about this character. He spouted out questions such as "What religion do they follow? What car do they drive? Who do they hate?..." He left about two seconds in between each question, so we all wrote furiously, just trying to keep up. After he was done asking 25 or so questions, he told us to flip our papers over and write stream of consciousness style until he told us to stop. We were to write as that character for several minutes, but we were not allowed to let the pencil leave the page. Once we were done, he put a chair up on stage and said, "Now you're each going to perform the monologue you just wrote." He may as well have told me to bob for live electric eels. You don't want to, but you do what Gellman says. You don't question it. My character was Cindy Adams, an overachieving college cheerleader. She drove a brown mini cooper and her favorite food was strawberry ice cream. I hate her. She didn't stretch me. I could have done better.

I'm still adjusting to the fact that I'm not the best at anything here. I want to be, and I'm going to try to be, but I can see I have a long way to go. I've already grown in so many ways since being in Chicago and starting classes. I'm still loving this experience, but I think I'm going to have to kick it up a notch. I've never had to work so hard to succeed. I'm sorry this is not as funny as usual. I guess this entry is coming from a place of being both frustrated and motivated.

Tonight, I get to go to a special preview show opening at Second City. It's calld Rod Blagojevich Superstar, a rock opera parody satire. I'm pretty excited. I'll have to blog tonight or tomorrow to tell y'all about it. I've gotta run to make dinner for myself before the show, but please do me favor if you would. If you run into a college cheerleader named Cindy Adams, punch her in the face. She's boring and pedestrian. Have a lovely day!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Where's The Desks?..(You know, like Where's The Beef?)...Sigh...Lame Joke

Hey all! Well, the first week of classes is officially over. Let me tell you, it has been one crazy week. My classes are amazing and I already feel like I'm learning so much. After this whole experience, it will be hard to return to Grace classes. I'll walk into a classroom full of desks and wonder where we're supposed to jump around and roll on the floor. I miss the people there, but I love all my classes here. I can't even decide which one I like the most. The homework is stuff I would normally do for fun! Wanna know what my history class is like? We sit around a table and discuss what we do and don't find funny. It's like a fun lunchtime conversation, except the head of the table is a brilliant author and improvisor, and I get grades for simply saying that I think Will & Grace has more worth than Shakespeare. Don't get me wrong. It really is hard work.

My acting prof is a mix between a drill sergeant and...and...and an old man that has travelled the world acquiring wisdom and hard drugs. Yeah. He's kind of like that. He asks questions that seem to have no answer, but we all desperately throw out suggestions, in hopes that we will land a right answer and win his everlasting love and affection. I am terrified of him, yet I desperately seek his approval. It was, of course, in his class that my cell phone went off. We were doing a silent focus and listening excercise, when I heard buzzing. I just knew it was mine. Gellman was sitting right beside my purse and I heard him mumble, "(explatives and the word "buzzing")." I wanted to disappear into the floor or run over and shove my phone down my throat. I suppose if I did the latter, that would not have solved the buzzing problem, but it sure would be a dramatic guesture. I will be more careful of that in the future.

My fellow comedy students and I have really been bonding this week. I really like everybody, and I know that some of the friendships made here are going to be long-term. In fact, we've been out together almost every night this week. Good times. Such good times. Aside from the bus not coming and having to split a taxi AGAIN at 2 in the morning, in one degree weather. These are the moments we'll remember. Hope you all are doing well and keeping warm, but don't worry. One out of two isn't bad. Love you all and have a lovely day!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Move Over Disney...This Is The Happiest Place On Earth

So, I'm sure you're all dying to know how the first day of classes went. Magical!! Absolutely magical!! We met our professors and jumped right into the improv scenes. Usually I get nervous for this stuff, but I promised myself I was just gonna jump in with no regrets. It felt so amazing to be up on that stage, building characters and just getting absolutely crazy with a mess of people that are as crazy as I am. I can't describe the feeling of being in an environment where everyone else shares your passions and goals. I don't think this paragraph is coming across quite the way I mean for it to. Go back and read it again, but imagine me saying it really fast and jumping around using grand hand guestures. That will give you more of the sense of excitement without me having to use gratuitous exclamation points.

I can't believe I'm already having so much fun, and it's only the first day!! Thank God, I found this program. I really can't imagine being anywhere else right now. Tonight, Casey and I went to an improv show, because three of the other Comedy Studies students were performing with their troupe. The three troupes before them were beyond painful to watch. I would describe them to you, but if you were even able to make it through reading about them, you would denounce God and turn emo. The group with our friends was good though. They were really happy that we came and supported them. Afterwards, we travelled most of the way home with Spike (from Comedy Studies), and it turns out he's a super cool guy. He has an album out and he's a yoyo master, amongst other things. (But can he work the tassles like me? I think not!) I doubt that if we hadn't been in that situation, we would ever have gotten to know him, so it's cool how those things work out.

Tomorrow begins day two, but I'm really not used to going to bed at a reasonable hour. Changing my sleep schedule should prove interesting. Well, I'm off to lay in bed for an hour, trying to sleep, but thinking about how incredibly lucky I am to be having this experience. Keep on truckin'!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Twas The Night Before Classes

I learned a very important lesson last night. The brown line that takes me to the "el" to get home from Second City stops running at one in the morning. They don't care if it's a twelve block walk to the next stop and and it's so cold your blood is frozen. Casey, Abhi, and I went to see a couple of late night shows at The Second City, only to find that we had no way home when we got to the "el" station. We ended up having to hail a cab, further cementing in my mind that Chicago might actually be somewhere near Russia. No Communications degree could help the cab driver and I reach an agreement as to where I lived. Thank God I'm a master of charades.

The shows themselves were, well, they were. Hmmm. The first show cost 5 bucks, and was not a regular Second City show, I might add. It was in the building, but not one of their casts. The premise sounded good. Four guys were putting on a sketch show, but they had gotten a government bailout to do so, so they had to follow a list of crazy arbitrary rules from the government. The audience was given 3-D glasses for the last sketch, but Casey and I decided to wear them the whole time to make the show more bearable. At least that way, the stage had a fun rainbow glow. It gave us both a whole new level of confidence, knowing that we could have walked up there and done a few good jazz squares, and it would have been an infinitely better show. The second show was a free improv set with a Second City cast. It was fabulous. I want to be one of them so bad.

Tomorrow, I start classes. I'm so excited. Tomorrow is the first step to what will hopefully become a long and fulfilling career. And if I don't make it, then no one can say I didn't try. But I really hope I do, since as I see it, my other choices are Emu Jockey or Hog Caller. Wish me luck! Or rather, wish me leg breakage! Keep on truckin'!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Free Food...How Jewish of Me

Hey all! I'm writing this, only because I promised to do so. Unfortunately, I don't have any actual good news to report. First of all, I have to make a correction from my last post. The big 50th Anniversary celebration is going to be this year but not until December. *My head sinks in sad defeat.* However, Ann Libra, a producer at Second City and one of my professors said they have alumni periodically stop in, so it wouldn't be unusual for someone big to drop by. She knows a lot of inside information. Apparently, Bonnie Hunt is an unbelievable *ahem* "witch" and Steve Carell was a huge tool, as he was involved in a love square for awhile. Yup. Dating three women at the same time. May be he should star in "The Brothel" instead of "The Office." She also used to be roommates with Stephen Colbert who had originally planned to be a carpenter after college. He built several futons in her basement...poorly. They promptly fell apart and he resorted to a life of comedy.

Orientation was actually quite boring, because it was our Columbia College orientation. The specific Second City orientation is on Monday. The tour felt useless. I just don't see me riding the "L" for a half hour to a creepy area of downtown to use a computer lab. I got my student ID and at least I don't look like a fat clown this time. (I hope the lady at the DMV doesn't get into headshot photography any time soon.) They served us boxed lunches that were totally decent, and there were some left over so Casey and I each took a couple. Unfortunately, the group hung our afterwards, so we carried armloads of boxed lunches through Chicago. We stopped by a fellow classmates apartment to get a bag. But then I looked super cool walking through downtown Chicago with a giant trashbag. When people stared at me on the train I would just lean over to Casey and whisper, "I just hope the head doesn't roll out."

I got to meet Sheldon Patinkin today, one of the founders of Second City. I was sitting in the presence of greatness; tiny, frail greatness that looked like it might tip over if you breathed on him too hard. It was very cool, nonetheless. Monday's the really big day. Day one of Second City. I. Can't. Wait.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Tomorrow I Get Oriented

Hey all! So, yesterday I hung out with Casey (the girl from my class who lives down the street). Turns out, she's pretty cool, and she has a lot of inside information. She interned at The Second City last summer, so she knows all the big wigs and a lot of insider information. She once sent a fax to Saturday Night Live. I know, right?! That's like every comedic secretary's dream! Anyway, she informed me that this year is The Second City's 50th Anniversary. Do you kow what that means?! You probably don't, so don't pretend. It just makes you look foolish. Anyway, it means there's gonna be a BUNCH of really sweet alumni back for the celebration. Need I remind anyone that Second City alumn include names like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Steve Carrell, Steve Colbert, Amy Sedaris, Big Movie Star, Famous Comedian, Sitcom Phenom, That One Guy From That One Thing, Etc... The list goes on and on. This means I will be in the presence of greatness. I'm hoping when I meet Tina Fey I don't giggle uncontrollably and wet myself. This isn't my high school graduation. I don't know when all this is going down, but believe me, you'll be the first to know. Well, besides all the people that hear me running down the street screaming, "I'm gonna meet comic gods!!" I'll likely be streaking while I scream this. It just seems to make sense.

Casey also informed me that our "end of semester showcase" (hereby referred to as "e.o.s.s.") is bigger than I thought. I guess I kind of figured that the e.o.s.s. was more of a "show your friends and family what you learned" type of thing. Nope. It's gonna be filled with producers and casting directors, keeping their eyes open for the next big thing. They just need to see that it's ME! I'M THE NEXT BIG THING! I'M HUGE! No fat jokes please. It's too easy and it makes the joke look cheap.

I swore to myself that I wouldn't make this another long post, but so be it. Boo hoo, you have to read three whole paragraphs. I have to wander the streets of Chicago alone in the dark with only my extensive knowledge of gang symbols to protect me. I should probably go to bed now anyway. I have my first day of orientation tomorrow. I'm so excited! I'm going to wear my cutest outfit so as to attract the comedy boys and impress the professors. I just hope I pick the right pair of boob tassles. There will definitely be a post tomorrow night to share how it goes. Have a lovely day. Keep on truckin'!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Came For The Comedy...But Staying For The Pizza

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I'm finally here!! And by "here" I mean Chicago, the land of big dreams and deep dish pizza. I'm here for both. As I'm sure you know, since you've been interested enough to check this out, I'm here for the semester to study comedy with The Second City. This whole adventure has not started off easy, from difficulty getting consortium to losing my first apartment two days before I was to move in. Somehow, everthing finally fell into place and I've been living in Chicago for a little over a week. I'm even finding my way around, which is impressive for someone who typically gets lost backing out of the driveway. The only time I was truly lost was when I was trying to pick up Brice from the train station when he came to visit. After wandering aimlessly through downtown, in the dark in -8 degrees plus windchill, I accidently got on a bus that took me out of town. As we drove south of Chicago and I could see the cityscape disappearing behind us, I hummed "I Have Confidence" from The Sound of Music to myself and tried desperately not to cry. Or move, lest I flash the wrong gang symbol. I clearly did not belong there. They dropped me off at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. I was able to get on another bus nearby and get back to town, but all in all I ended up being hopelessly lost for about two hours. I have since found the redline "L" stop that takes me right to the station.

My apartment has been great. It's a very small studio, but it suits my purposes and has its own charm. My building is about a hundred years old. David Lepor informed me that that must mean that it's full of ghosts. Luckily electric costs are covered by my rent, because now I have to sleep with the lights on. Thanks, David.

Today, I set up a get together with some of the other students from the program. It was great to meet them, and I really think our group is going to get along well. It turns out, one of the girls lives just down the street from me, which is great, since now we can do a lot of our traveling together. This saves me the money from having to pay some mob family for protection.

I realize this is a long post, but I have over a week to catch up on, and frankly three paragraphs isn't that long, so stop complaining, and just read the dang thing! Anyway, I figured a blog was the best way to keep everyone updated on all my crazy chicago adventures. Please continue reading my blog, as I'm sure wackiness is bound to ensue. Have a lovely day. Keep on truckin'!