Brisket Babe

Hello, all! Or, perhaps, "Hello, both!" would be more appropriate. Let's be positive here though. Life is good. I'm waiting tables at Smokin' Charlie's in Warsaw. That being said, I feel compelled to tell you that this is not a permanent position for me. I'm going to be a comedian. So, waiting tables might be permanent, but not necessarily Smokin' Charlie's.

It really is a great place to work. My co-workers are fabulous and the food's good. And I suppose there's worse things I could come home smelling like than barbecue. I suppose I could have landed summer work as a circus elephant pooper scooper, or the oil girl for Mr. Fat and Sweaty America. (I'm not completely sure either of those are real jobs, but they would likely smell worse than barbecue. Please, just work with me here. We both know you don't come to this blog for truth.) All that to say, come in and ask for me. I'll most likely be there and will give you the best dern service of your life. Don't even mention my southern accent. It happens when I'm at work. I can't explain it. I don't try.

I'm loving my small apartment in Winona Lake! Living alone certainly has its perks, as I barely wear clothes indoors anymore. Especially when I'm home. Really though, that's never been an issue for me before. The one issue I have with the place, as I find all of it's little ghetto eccentricities charming, is the fact that sometimes I feel like I live directly on the sun. There's a certain level of naked where you just can't strip down any further to cool off. Between two ceiling fans and a window ac, perhaps my face won't melt off this summer. And if it does, I guess that's just more good comedy material.

As always, I'm going to take my last paragraph to claim that I'll write more, and "I really mean it this time," but you know me better than that. Check back again when my hulu queue is empty. Then I'll have a few minutes for a witty quip. Until then, have a lovely day, and as always...Keep on truckin'!

Cult Life and Reality Shows...Intrigued Yet?

Hey all!

I'm back! I would like to blame my long hiatus on something legitimate, such as maternity leave or incarceration, but alas, that is not the case. So, as usual, I am forced to make something up. In October, shortly after my last post, I joined a cult. The cult's very first commandment was thou shalt not blog. I followed the group religiously, also following the other commandments closely:

Thou shalt not start working at homework at a reasonable hour.
Thou shalt not reach they goal weight.
Thou shalt not pick thy clothes off the floor until they are an unmanageable pile.
Thou shalt not have more than one good hair day a week.

and most importantly...

Thou shall make up ridiculous excuses that go into far too much detail upon being foolish, lazy, or simply failing to complete a basic and fun task, such as blogging.

Turns out cult life wasn't for me, but there, friends, is my perfectly legitimate excuse. Now on to bigger and better things...

Yesterday, I spent the day in Chicago auditioning for the new NBC reality show, "The Next Great American Restaurant." My mom and I stood out in the cold for over five hours for me to have less than three minutes of camera time. I pitched my idea and won't know anything officially for about a month.

When we first got there, I felt horribly unprepared. Because I have just been busy directing the high school musical at Northfield High School, I had no time to really prepare a fancy pitch. I had no visuals or anything to stand out...so I just wore a really low cut shirt. Just kidding, of course. I went completely topless. ;) There were a lot of people there with briefcases and fancy heels and costumes and poster boards. It felt much like showing up to a fencing match armed with a toothpick. My pitch itself, though very quick, went well and I feel good about my application, so I think there's a slight chance. I do realize, however, that thousands of people are trying out for this thing, most of whom are likely more prepared. Oh well. If this doesn't work out, maybe they'll still be really impressed with my application and give me a show where fat, funny bachelors compete for my heart. Yup. I've got my future pretty much planned. :) Have a lovely day and check back soon!

Keep on truckin'!

Worst...Blogger...Ever.

Hey! Remember that time I started a blog to record my Chicago adventures and then stopped updating right before the final showcase, which was months ago? Me either. Since I'm world's worst blogger, I will give you a brief update of my life from my last post until now.

-The showcase at Second City went more amazing than I could ever have hoped, and solidified my desire to be in comedy and my lust for power and fame.

-I lived in Warsaw over the summer in an apartment with my dear friend, Jenn Judy. We lived in a shady area, directly across from a shut-down brothel, but it was home.

-Over the summer, I worked at Red Apple Restaurant and House of Pancakes and had more adventures than would fit in one blog. Feel free to ask me in person. Thank sweet baby Jesus that I am out of that *ahem* "heck" hole.

- I am about 6 weeks into school in the first semester of my last year at Grace College.

That's a brief rundown. I'm sorry I have not updated you on all the craziness of the end of the semester and the summer, but I'm going to try to start up my blog again. I know. Why should you trust me this time? Last time I wrote my blog, I got you all hooked, waiting with baited breath for each new entry and left you hanging, right when you needed me most. For that, I am eternally sorry, but I'm back and wacky as ever. So, read my posts. Have a laugh. But most importantly...Keep on truckin'!

Chin Up, Boobs out, It's SHOWTIME!!

Hey all! I haven't written in a bit, because I've been so wrapped up with showcase rehearsals. Not that you care about my sorry excuses, but there it is anyways. All I've done these past two weeks is eat, sleep, and breathe the showcase. (Not as nutritious as you'd think.) As a result, I'm a nervous wreck.

My dad is in town for the showcase and is staying at my apartment with me. It's crowded, but it gives me the opportunity for hilarity to ensue. Best story segway ever, huh? Being the sweet and wonderful daughter that I am, I let my dad have my bed and I took the sleeping bag. He refused at first, but I insisted til he gave in. When I woke up this morning, I saw him lying on the floor on the wadded up, deflated bed. I felt terrible, assuming that it had popped sometime during the night. When I asked him what happened, this is the story he told me. First, remember that my bed is messed up and misshapen from use. Well, at some point in the night, he woke up to the bed moving and making some weird noise. He said he could feel it start to change shape, and when he tried to get off, without warning, the bed's core popped turning it into a giant excercise ball. When this happened, it shot him headfirst between the wall and radiator, his legs flailing helplessly in the air as he balanced on his head and hands. Thank God the radiator was not hot at the time. As he tells it, he was screaming for my help, but all I did was sit up, say ok, and go back to sleep. I have no recollection of this. When he was finally able to roll himself out, he went to the kitchen, retrieved the butcher knife and sliced it open. He then held it open, so it could release it's last pocket of air and then went back to sleep on the floor. When he told me this story, I laughed so hard, I really thought I was going to hurt myself. I am laughing as I am typing this, and he is glaring at me for laughing at his pain. We went to Jewel and bought water floaties to sleep on for the next few days. Good times.

I know I shouldn't be worried about the show. We have great sketches and songs, and we all know our stuff very well. Even the first tech went fabulously yesterday, except for one small glitch. During one of our songs, we sing through the chorus twice and then run out into the audience to get them to sing along. Well, I got excited, sang through the chorus and ran out into the audience. When I turned around I saw the cast all onstage doing the choreography together and looking at me strangely. I had jumped offstage a chorus early. I looked pretty awesome, and by "awesome" I mean "a moron." That will not happen tonight. Dear God, I hope not.

I have to leave for the showcase in an hour now. I'm surprised I can type this well, seeing as I am shaking almost convulsively out of a mixture of nerves, energy, excitement, and the Athenian salad I had for lunch. I can't believe that it has all come down to this. This is the culmination of all I have learned and worked for. Well, I guess it's like Debbie Reynolds says, "Chin up, boobs out, it's SHOWTIME!"

So Close, I Can Taste It...Mmmm...Showcase Tastes Like Soup

Hey all! I'm updating, partially because it's been awhile and partially because there's important work to be done. I've been spoiled in this program, so now having to write a 2-4 page paper seems like having to participate in an athletic event. That metaphor may not sound brilliant, but trust me, it works. They're both something that I'm perfectly capable of doing, but if given the choice would rather watch reruns of "The Office."

Performing the Neil Simon scenes went well. There are even a couple of pictures online, but I look a little bit ridiculous. I wanted to dress up, so I wore a red dress with black tights and my heeled black boots. It was a pretty cute little ensemble. The problem was that Gellman said that moving across the stage in my heels made me too high status, so he requested that for the next run, I remove the boots. The problem was that, to keep myself cozy and warm, under my boots, I wore pink, fluffy slipper socks, thinking that no one would ever see them. Gellman made a good point that the character was little off and was getting ready for bed anyway, but my fashion conscious facebook friends did not see his reasoning. I received a good ridicule for that one.

The main focus now is working on our final showcase. At the beginning of the year, if you'd have walked into our improv class, you might have thought you'd wandered into a party with a group of great friends. This week, you might think you're walking into a funeral where everyone in the room was the child, best friend, or widow of the deceased. Kinda morbid, but I'm kind of on a roll with the super awesome metaphors tonight. I'm not going to go into detail here. All I will say is that I trust Norm and I trust...I am trying to trust...I will forceably beat my ensemble into focusing on the work. When all is said and done, we will have an amazing show and I will have a dvd of it to subject you all to. Speaking of, tickets for my showcase are now available if you call the training center. The shows are May 12th and 13th at 7 o'clock. Come enjoy myself and my super sexy friends being really, really hilarious.

Alright, I have a movie treatment to write, sketches to look over, and a sink full of dishes, all of which are vying for my attention, so here is where I will bid you adieu for the evening. Have a lovely day!

Post Script. If anyone knows of any jobs available in Warsaw this summer, please let me know. I need rent money, and it's hard out here for a pimp.

Keep on truckin'!

Thank You For Being A Beautiful Blonde

Hey all! A lot has happened since my last entry, so prepare yourself for a long post. Whatever that means for you. Some popcorn might be in order. In any case, I'm just going to jump right into the update.

My aunt, Sally, came to visit me two weekends ago and we had a perfectly lovely time. On the way to pick her up, though, I was joined on the "el" by an old man with big crazy hair, a neon orange zip-up and a baseball cap. At first, he just came over to say, "Thank you for being a beautiful blonde." I was flattered until he moved over and sat beside me and told me he was a poet and philosopher and that he could talk to dogs. Longest train ride ever. Once Sally got there, however, we had a lot of fun, going to shows such as "Baby Wants Candy" and "The Best of Second City." At "The Best of Second City," we met this group of fabulous old ladies visiting from Minnesota. We sat with them during the show and just had a wonderful time.

The weather was perfect when Sally was here, so we did a lot of walking and even ate at a cute little outdoor cafe called, "Old Jerusalem." I had my first falafel, which was delicious, but not near as waffle-like as I had expected. We also went to Coldstone twice, because the first time we went, there a cute and funny guy behind the counter. We joked about the ice cream cups being made by child labor in third world sweat shops. It was then that I realized that fate and sweet, sugary goodness had brought us together. I haven't gone back since to visit my Coldstone boyfriend, but I like knowing only as much as I do. He could turn out to be an anti-semitic satanist cult-leader or something, and that's not something I'm prepared to live with. I shall just hold on to that glorious moment in the ice cream shop.

Last week, I fulfilled one of my big dreams of performing stand-up comedy. In fact, I did it three times. I hit two open mics and performed for all of Comedy Studies. I must say, once you've done stand-up at a small seedy bar, nothing in the world can scare you. (The sole exeption is spiders. They are still wildly terrifiying.) All three times went well. I didn't kill, but I certainly didn't bomb, and that's all any beginning stand-up can ask for. My only fiasco was right after my first open mic. I was so excited that I had made it through without passing out, vomiting, or spontaneously combusting that I tried to skip off stage. In my excitement, however, my boot got wrapped in the cord and I pulled the mic out of the stand and proceeded to drag it back to my seat. Luckily, the drunk spectators found it hilarious. In fact, I quite enjoyed the overall stand-up experience and have every intention of honing my craft and seeing where it goes.

This past weekend, I went back to Warsaw to see Grace's production of "Little Shop of Horrors." It was so freakin' phenominal. I was so proud of all of David's work. David designed the set, costumes, poster, and played the starring role. He is so amazing, and I can't wait to see where he goes in his career. I was so proud watching it, I got a little choked up at points. David is one of my best friends in the world, and I honestly feel so lucky to be a part of his life. Everyone else was great as well. I got to connect with some old friends and even make some new ones. Ashlee was hilarious as the bag lady on Skid Row and Peaches was just all around fierce. I was so glad to be able to attend the show, but not being a part of it was killing me. I snuck backstage before the show and at intermission, though the sign said, "cast and crew only." Not being a part of that group for once was really weighing heavily on me. Don't get me wrong, I love it here in Chicago. I'm having the time of my life, getting hit on by old crazy men and falling in love with professional ice cream scoopers, but that group is a very special group of people and they will always have a place in my heart.

My ensemble is finally starting to write our showcase, and I can see that it's going to be amazing. This is going to be a show that I can be very proud of. Allow me a cheap, brief plug. There are shows on May 12th and 13th at The Second City Etc stage. Tickets aren't available yet, but I'll let you know as soon as I know anything. Alright, this was ungodly long and I have to go watch some Will & Grace for some homework. Seriously. Life is grand here. Keep on truckin'!

Intestines, Duck Feet, and Easter, Oh My!

So, if it prints the time on this, you'll see I'm updating at four in the morning. Why, you ask? Because, I feel like it! Geeze. Get off my back already. Actually, I'm writing at this odd hour because I did what I've done the past couple of nights. While actually intending to get things accomplished, I get tired and decide to "nap" for a few moments. I end up waking up at three-thirty in the morning, unshowered, with all the lights and my computer on. At that point, I shower and sleep for a few more hours before getting up for school. Is it a great system? Far from it, but it's hard to make yourself act like a normal, responsible person when you live alone.

My friends from high school, Chelsea and Meredith visited me last week and we had a lovely time. I do so enjoy showing off Chicago and my newfound knowledge of it. My favorite story from their visit was our "adventurous" attempt at lunch on Saturday. Meredith suggested finding some good Chinese food, so the intention was to go to a place that I really like in Chinatown. Not surprisingly, we woke up pretty late and didn't want to go quite that far out, but Casey told me that there was some good oriental food off Argyle, which is only one stop away on the "el." We ended up walking into three different restaurants, none of which had decipherable menus. We were still game to try something until we went into the last restaurant and saw what looked like intestines and whole duck feet being prepared in the window. Terrifying. I suggested Panera and we had soup and sandwiches.

School has still been so much fun, I don't know what to do with myself. In writing and history, we're discussing sitcoms, which is fabulous, since sitcom writing is something I have considered for the future. Last week I pitched my "I Love Lucy" episode entitled "Lucy Learns French." Ricky and Lucy made a wager, Lucy attempted to speak French, and wackiness ensued. The next pitch is a partner pitch for an original sitcom. I came up with the idea of a group of 3-5 men that have lost their jobs in the recession, but out of pride still put on their suits and pretend to go to work every day. They form a little club and spend their days hiding their secret from the world and scheming how to get enough money so they can all fake paychecks. There's much more to it, but I don't want anyone stealing this brilliant idea. If you don't think it's brilliant, that's why I'm in comedy school and you're reading this from somewhere less cool than Chicago. If you do, thank you. I always liked you the best anyway.

Easter weekend was fun, as I went to Wisconsin with my dad, Tim, and Amanda. It was really great to see my family. We're all pretty close, despite the fact that they're all a bunch of crazies. I jest, of course. (But no, seriously, they're a bunch of lunatics!) They're totally great and super normal. (Normal like a freakshow.) In all seriousness, I love them all soooo much and I'm really glad I got a chance to spend some time with them. I wish I could just move all the people that I love to Chicago and we'd all just go to improv shows together and eat at Panera. Although, I suppose that's what heaven is for.

It's almost four thirty, so I'm gonna call it a night, but there's been a few more things going on in this crazy life of mine, so I'll write a bit more very soon. It's ok if you don't believe me. I'm not sure if I believe myself. You're all fabulous! Have a lovely day. Keep on truckin'!